graphic of friends hanging out together and text on the side"My Boyfriend Prioritizes His Friends Over Me"

My Boyfriend Prioritizes His Friends Over Me

by Daniel Conn
Updated on

When in a relationship, we commit ourselves to this other human being completely. As the relationship grows, our co-dependency on our partner increases.

We love seeing them as many times as possible. We love to share everything with them, our daily happenings and even crucial decisions. We become so attached to them that we demand the maximum of their time. However, this belongingness can create a few hurdles too!

A common problem girls experience in their relationship with a guy is that he would at times end up choosing his friends over her.

This can create a bubble of insecurities for the girl, as she would start thinking, why isn’t my boyfriend spending more time with me.

The girl is not against the boyfriend spending time with his friends but she just starts wondering what is it that makes her boyfriend choose his friends over her.

This can lead to a lot of misunderstandings being created in a girl’s mind over things that her boyfriend might not communicate at times. But we are here for all you girls! Let us discuss more this topic, read on. 

According to several researches, conducted among guys in the age group of 18-25, it has come to a conclusion that guy friendships are really vital for boys. Hence, they might even feel closer or emotionally free-er with their guy friends than with their girlfriends. This trend has increasingly become popular over the last few decades.

Even the entertainment industry promotes and flaunts it so well in their movies or shows, that it has also become inspirational for guys to be able to have some good hard-core friendships with their guys.

However, at times, your boyfriend might be really good friends with some of his female friends. If he prioritizes them over you many times, then it can speak a lot about the guy’s loyalty and honesty.

Nevertheless, first, let us discuss a few reasons why your boyfriend prioritizes his friends over you, and then we will move to what you should do if you are in a situation like this.

Why does my boyfriend prioritize his friends over me?

There could be various reasons why your boyfriend prioritizes his friends over you, maybe some friend of his is going through a rough patch, maybe he is going through something that he doesn’t want to share with you, or perhaps he just doesn’t like spending time with you.

It’s common for a lot of guys to prioritize their friends over their partners, and there could be different reasons behind that.

Let’s have a look at some of the most common reasons that might be applicable in your situation:

He is closer to his guy friends

This can mean that his emotional needs for communication, understanding, and bringing a new perspective might be fulfilled by his guy friends. Hence, he would try to prioritize them over you. Or it could also mean that he feels less insecure with them than you, hence he is able to openly share a lot of his personal stuff with his friends.

He has always had a close bond with his friends

Maybe you have started seeing him recently and even before you met him, he must have been very habitual of meeting his friends regularly.

This can mean they might have certain days fixed when they regularly meet or they might plan their holidays together every year or they might have a sport that they all like and make sure that they all play it together often etc. and there is nothing wrong with it.

He is so habitual of spending time with his friends that maybe he doesn’t even realize that he is prioritizing them over you.

If you think he is doing it out of habit then maybe you should just talk to him and let him know how it makes you feel.

His friends are going through some rough patches

This particular point can have many possibilities.

What if his single friend has been going through a tough time, especially after his breakup. Every time he goes out he feels anxious and looks at love as if scared by it. Hence, your boyfriend might meet him frequently, to help him overcome his troubles.

It might be that a friend of your boyfriend might be getting married soon, and your boyfriend has not told you this. Hence, he might meet up with his friends for wedding planning.

Or What if, a friend of your boyfriend, might have been laid off from his job suddenly. This time he needs friends and your guy might be trying to help him by being emotionally available to him.

Just like these, there might be many possibilities, it is just that your boyfriend isn’t able to tell you the reason yet. 

you shouldn’t come to any conclusions until you know his side of the story, if it is bothering you go and talk to him about it.

He has communication problems

Your boyfriend may be a smooth talker and is able to charm anyone, but when it comes to communicating core issues or confrontations he would just disappear.

This can happen if you guys have had a big argument or fight recently or maybe he is not feeling good about this relationship. Now after that, you guys have come to a mutual understanding but your boyfriend just doesn’t know how to go back to being the normal couple that you guys were.

Hence, he is trying to be more with his friends as he might feel embarrassed at times and even unsure of his feelings at the moment. 

What should I do if my boyfriend prioritizes his friends over me?

Communication or the lack of communication is the biggest reason behind most relationship failures. The worst thing you can do in this situation is not to talk to him about it.

As we discussed above there could be many reasons behind him prioritizing his friends over you but you would never know what they are until you talk to him.

We have come to two concluding things that you can possibly do if your boyfriend prioritizes his friends over you.

Talk it out

We know this can be stressful, as you might think of all the different answers that he would give you and their impact on your relationship. But we have known all along that communication is the key.

If you want to go on with this guy for a long period of time or even marry him, then you guys would need to be comfortable with having hard and difficult conversations. Talking it out will make you less worried too. It will also give you a chance to understand what is really going on with your boyfriend’s friends and why he is prioritizing them over you.

This will make him believe that what he was or is still doing is actually having an effect on you, and will make him think about how he changes or improves his behavior.

Once he tells his reasons, it is your turn to be the bigger person and let it go, as someone would have to push it under the rug and move on. Hence, the best thing you can do about it is to express to him how this behavior affected you and now you are ready to move on. 

However, if he is not able to give a justified answer, or is trying to change the topic, or rush it, then you can conclude that the relationship is not strengthened. Hence, giving it some time, and then again talking about the prioritizing issue would help. 

Going with him to meet his friends-

Since you feel that he is prioritizing his friends always, you can start by going with him to meet his friends and gel with them. This will also give you an insight into how his friends are and you can also observe how he is around his friends.

Also, doing this can even make him happy as he would not have to choose between them and you and by doing this he will also realize that you are taking time out for his friends and him, which will make him do things for you even more.

The Bottom Line:

The bottom line is, trust the guy. Talk it out. If you really love him, then go ahead and find the reason behind the prioritizing thingy from him.

We know this sounds easier than done but if you do the ‘talk’ you will be less worried and more at peace. This will only strengthen your relationship or give you a better perspective! We are here for any more queries that you would have…

About the author

Daniel Conn

Daniel has more than 7 years of experience working as a relationship and dating coach. He has helped hundreds of people find love and fix the problems in their relationships.