My boyfriend used to be a player – Here’s what you should do

by Daniel Conn
Updated on

So you just discovered that your boyfriend used to be a player, and now you dont know what to do about it. Should you break up? Should you try to change him?

Today we will address a common dilemma faced by many women: what to do when you discover that your partner has a history of being a big-time player.

I understand It can be a challenging and confusing situation, but it’s important to remember that people can change.

We’ll discuss the steps you can take to navigate this situation and make an informed decision about your future with your partner.

Whether you choose to stay and work things out or to move on, this article will provide you with the tools you need to make the right choice for yourself.

How to deal with a boyfriend who used to be a Player?

It’s natural to have questions and concerns about your partner’s past behavior, but it’s important to approach the situation in a constructive and non-judgmental manner.

You should understand that everyone has a past, and if you like or love someone, then you should be open to accepting their past, which includes their dating history.

Let’s talk more about ways to deal with a boyfriend who used to be a player:

Have an honest conversation with him and try to see things from his perspective.

If you have just found out this thing about your boyfriend, then the first thing you should do is have a talk with him about it and try to understand why he did it, as it might give you a deeper understanding of his personality and how he approaches relationships.

The first step in understanding why your partner engaged in a player lifestyle is to have an open and honest conversation with them.

It’s important to listen actively to his perspective and try to see things from his point of view.

There could be a few different reasons why he might have engaged in a player lifestyle, like low self-esteem, the desire for validation, or a lack of understanding of what he really wants in a relationship you won’t know until you talk to him about it.

Understand that people change and grow as they get older, and it’s possible he might have changed, and his perspective towards relationships has changed over time.

So, The first thing I recommend you to do in a situation like this is to have a conversation with him about it with an open mind and see how it goes.

Set Boundaries in Relationship

Having set boundaries is extremely crucial in any relationship, and if you haven’t already talked about it before, then it’s a good time to sit and set personal boundaries in your relationship.

This means that you need to establish what is acceptable and what is not acceptable in the relationship and make sure that these boundaries are respected.

This can be done by communicating with your partner and setting some ground rules. 

For example, you may want to set a rule that your partner cannot go out with other people without your permission. This will help to ensure that your partner is not engaging in any behavior that could jeopardize the relationship. If your partner does not adhere to the boundaries that you set, then it may be necessary to take further action, such as ending the relationship.

It might seem a little odd, especially if you haven’t done this before, but having boundaries is extremely important for a healthy relationship.

This can help to build trust and create a solid foundation for a healthy relationship.

Focus on the present.

Knowing your partner’s past is important, but it’s not everything.

What is more important is how he is in the present and how dedicated he is to your relationship.

I always recommend people not to get hung up on their partner’s past, if it’s something that bothers you a lot and you are not able to let it go, then maybe you shouldn’t be in a relationship with that person.

Move over his past and focus on the present.

Pay attention to your partner’s actions and behaviors.

  • Has your partner shown a genuine commitment to the relationship?
  • Are they making an effort to be open and honest with you?
  • Are they putting in the work to build a healthy and strong relationship?

These are important indicators to know whether or not he is truly committed to the relationship.

It’s also important to consider the impact that your partner’s past behavior has on your relationship. For some people, past experiences can be difficult to overcome and can affect their trust in the present relationship. If it’s you, then you might have a hard time trusting your partner, which is not a good thing in a healthy relationship.

It’s crucial to have open and honest conversations with your partner about these feelings and to work together to rebuild trust and create a healthy future together.

Keep your expectations in check.

If you find yourself in a relationship with a man who has a history of being a player, it is important to manage your expectations.

It is likely that he will not be as attentive or caring as you might hope, and he might even have a hard time expressing his feelings and emotions.

As I said before, people do change, and it is possible that he has made changes to his personality and how he approaches his relationships, but some things take time to change.

If you are able to accept him for who he is and take things day by day, you may be able to have a successful relationship with him. Be sure to communicate your needs and boundaries clearly, and be prepared for some bumps along the way.

Just let things happen naturally. This way, they won’t feel like they have to live up to some expectations or perform in a certain way. Just relax and let things flow. The most important thing is to not get wrapped up in his past or who he used to be. Accept him for who he is now and let him move at his own pace.


In conclusion, when dealing with a partner who has a history of being a player, it is important to approach the situation with an open mind, have honest conversations, set boundaries, focus on the present, and manage your expectations. While past behavior can be an indicator of future actions, it is also possible for people to change and grow. By having open and honest conversations, setting boundaries, and working together, you can build trust and create a healthy and strong relationship. However, if the past behavior continues to impact the relationship, it may be necessary to reassess if the relationship is right for you. Remember, it’s essential to make a decision that is right for you and what will bring you happiness and fulfillment in the long run.

About the author

Daniel Conn

Daniel has more than 7 years of experience working as a relationship and dating coach. He has helped hundreds of people find love and fix the problems in their relationships.