should I ask my ex if he wants his stuff back

should I ask my ex if he wants his stuff back

by Daniel Conn
Updated on

Should I ask my ex if he wants his stuff back?

Let us get it out there, breakups are tough and sometimes can get really ugly too. Nobody likes them, but almost all of us have to go through them at some point.

When we start a relationship, we are positive about the path of that relationship with the person we want to be with. A few months or maybe years down the line, both realize how it is not working out for them anymore.

Some people may try to avoid the breakup, but after a point, you are just dragging a dead relationship.

The time spent after the breakup is quite difficult, though. Since your feelings for this person have not completely disappeared, you tend to miss them and feel sad.

Once some time has passed, you start seeing things clearly, and then you start looking at things more logically.

But when you have your ex-boyfriend’s stuff with you, that might remind you of them which in some cases stops you from moving on.

And you might want to get rid of that stuff and wonder if you should ask your ex if he wants his stuff back.

In this article, we will answer that question for you and will tell you if you should do it or not.

Rules of break up 

First, let us see some essential rules of a breakup, which, if we follow, would help us handle the situation better! 

Set the boundary

Always set boundaries for yourself and your ex. There have to be some rules that you guys follow post-breakup.

There would be some things that you can do and can not do. Talking it out about having boundaries immediately after the breakup would be a good idea, as it will help you both know where and how much of the boundary you share.

Give each other space.

The usual going out every week or constantly texting one another would make it harder to move on. It would also make you feel as if the breakup never happened.

Hence, give each other space, and don’t interact too much immediately after the breakup, even if you have broken up on good terms.

Discuss how you guys will handle encounters

As we have said time and again, that communication is the key. This, talking it out how you both will handle encounters when you meet accidentally or not-so accidentally in public is important.

This will make you less awkward in social situations, especially with your mutual friends. 

Don’t unfollow each other right away.

Unfollowing or blocking these days does come across as having an immature outlook toward the situation. Hence, what you could try doing is not checking their Instagram profile often. However, if they are someone who is worth blocking, then please do! 

Focus on yourself

This might sound easier than actually doing it. However, spend time with yourself, and do things that make you happy. Go out with your girlfriends, take spa sessions, party, re-watch your favorite movies, go on a little trip somewhere close, spend time with your family, go shopping, and have your favorite dish.

Do these things that will help you release happy hormones and help you move on. 

Cut out social media.

Try avoiding social media for some time. This will help you to not track the social life of others as well as prevent you from checking your ex’s Instagram account. You will also realize the shift in your thoughts because of that.

Now that we have a little background of what to do after the breakup let us see if you should ask your ex to take back his stuff?

Should I ask my ex if he wants his stuff back?

One of the major factors that depend here is the kind of relationship you had with them and the type of person your ex is, and most importantly, how things ended between you two.

If it ended badly

If the relationship ended badly, then there is literally no reason to keep things that would remind you of them.

Whenever you look at those things, you would think of the relationship, bringing back all the painful memories.

We want to make the post-breakup phase as smooth as possible, and to do this, letting go of anything that reminds you of your ex is vital.

If your relationship ended badly, then it would be hard for you to contact them. So either get rid of the stuff or, if there is something valuable in it, then put it in the garage or store room somewhere out of your sight.

If he asks for his stuff back, you should just give it to him and move on.

If it ended on a mutual note

If you both decided to part ways after coming to a mutual decision, then there shouldn’t be any problem asking him if he wants his stuff back.

Your heart might want to remember a part that loved that person, and their belongings would do that job for you, and there is nothing wrong with it but let them know if you are keeping any of their belonging.

If they cheated on you

If the relationship ends over them cheating on you, then it’s best to return everything that you own of him right away. There would be absolutely no point in keeping it with you.

If you were unable to return his stuff at the time of the breakup, then either get rid of it or put it somewhere out of sight, and you can decide what to do with it when you have moved over him.

If your ex is asking for his stuff

Your ex is someone who does not believe a lot in sharing but gave his stuff to you because you guys were in a relationship. Now, he wants it back, and giving it back to him sounds about alright.

No matter what happened between you two, if your ex asks for his stuff back, just give it to him and move on.

How to ask them to take back their stuff,

here are a few ways to ask your ex to take their stuff back after the breakup:

You can simply deliver it

If you want to avoid facing them, then delivering it to their place sounds pretty good.

This will make things less awkward as well. Your ex would also get the message that it is time to finally move on. There are chances that he might not ask you why you return his stuff, as it is pretty obvious too.

Just drop his stuff at his place, and if you are still in contact, then you can drop a text to inform them, but if things ended badly, then it’s fine to do it without informing him.

You can meet him and give his stuff back to him.

This might be emotionally resistant, but in order to end everything and move on with your life, this would work wonders.

You can both meet somewhere and return his stuff to him. This would also give closure and allow you to go ahead with your life instead of wasting time thinking about him.

You can ask him to pick up his stuff from your place

This is a little tricky. He would be coming to your place or this. So, if you are not ready for that, then the first two options would be better for you.

If you two had a healthy breakup, then there is no harm in asking him to take his stuff, and you shouldn’t overthink it.

But If things got ugly at the time of your breakup, then maybe you should just avoid contacting him again and just get rid of his stuff or put it somewhere where you don’t see it regularly.

Bottom line

The belongings that you had of your ex were a sign of their presence in your life. Returning those belongings to them will be like giving away a piece of something you like. However, taking this step is vital and important for you as it will help you to move on.

Things end for a reason; always remember that. And those reasons always work out the best for us in the future as they help us evolve. So do not worry about giving your ex back his belongings. It is your decision to give it back, and you must stand by it.

Even if it is an unhappy phase now, it will eventually get better. We have provided you with all the different ways of approaching your ex to give him his belongings, and with those ways, I am sure you will be able to pass through this process with much less stress if you follow our advice.

About the author

Daniel Conn

Daniel has more than 7 years of experience working as a relationship and dating coach. He has helped hundreds of people find love and fix the problems in their relationships.